Relationships: Is The Purpose Of A Relationship To Trigger Old Wounds?



When someone has just started to date another person, they can find that they feel really good. They are then still going to be on the same planet that they were on before they met this person, but it can be as if they have been taken somewhere else.

This area of their life is going to be good and just about every other area of their life could end up benefitting too. The good feelings that they experience in relation to this person will end up being directed towards other part of their life.

One Focus

However, while having this person in their life will have a positive effect on their wellbeing, they may find that it is hard for them to focus on other areas of their life. Like a child that has a new bike waiting for them at home, their attention may typically be on this person.

So, when they are at work, they might not be able to perform in the same way as they usually would. Then again, they might be able to out this person to one side when they need to.

On Cloud Nine

They will have both started off as separate beings and they still will be, but it could be as if they have merged into one being. The experience that both of them had of being merged with their mother as a baby may have returned, with them regressing to symbiotic childlike state.

Just about all of their troubles and worries may have faded into the background, thanks to the connection that they have with each other. The chemicals that have been released in their brain will undoubtedly play a big part in all this

The Trip Continues

The weeks and months can then go by and everything can continue to go in the same direction. Due to how good both of them feel when they are together and when they are apart, it may seem as though they are on a holiday that will never end.

This is not to say that the odd issue won’t arise, but if it does, it might not have much of an impact on their relationship. But, just as a real holiday will come to an end at some point, there is a chance that something will happen sooner or later that will bring these people back down to earth.

Out of Nowhere

One could do or say something and the other person could end up completely losing it. After this, one could stay centred and try to find out what is going on, or they could behave in the same way and add even more fuel to the fire.

Alternatively, one could find out that their partner has been having an affair or that they were already in a relationship with someone else. After finding out about this, they could end up hitting rock bottom emotionally.

Two Experiences

If something small takes place, such as their partner losing it, they may find that everything is fine after a little while. A small fire will have appeared and it won’t have taken long to put it out.

Yet, if something big has taken place, such as their partner having an affair, it might not be this simple. A huge fire will have appeared and it might not even be possible for it to go out.


Irrespective of what takes place, one is likely to find that certain feelings will arise within them. If their partner loses it, the feelings might not be as strong as if they were the ones who were to lose it.

Nevertheless, emotional pain will have come up to the surface and it might be hard for them to comprehend why this has happened. That is unless they are not even aware of their feelings and just react to what is going on.

The Purpose

If one believed that they had found ‘the one’ and that this area of their life would always run smoothly, it is naturally going to be a challenge for them to accept what is going on. What has taken place won’t be the main problem, though; what will be the main problem are the expectations that they had.

Their response to what has happened would most likely be very different if they believed that they are brought together with the people who will trigger their wounds and allow them to heal and to grow as a reuslt. This would enable them to see that while it may seem as though another person has caused them to feel a certain way, there is usually far more to it.

The Story

Being out of touch with what is going on within them and focusing on what is taking place ‘out there’ will distract them from what is actually going on. It will then be normal for them to get caught up in what their partner has or hasn’t done, getting lost in the drama.

Ultimately, what is going on is simply there to bring up to the surface the parts of themselves that they need to heal. Therefore, if one gets caught up in what is going on externally and overlooks what is going on internally, they are going to be caught up in an illusion (Maya).

A Few Examples

If their partner has the tendency to lose it and they end up walking on eggshells, it could show that they had to do the same thing around one of their caregivers. This person is then triggering fear, along with anger and rejection, amongst others things, that have been within them for years.

Conversely, if their partner has had an affair and this knocks them sideways, it could show that they experienced a lot of neglect during their early years. The anger, rejection, abandonment and the sense of being worthless that they may feel now, will probably go back to how they felt when they were a dependent child.


Getting caught up in what is going on (the story) can set one up to feel like a victim and to suffer unnecessarily. And instead of being able to see that the other person has been brought in their life to aid in their evolution (they might not know this consciously), they will blame them.

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to heal their wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.


Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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